He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
