Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
