The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
