A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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