He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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