I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
