meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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