I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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