I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
