sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
