Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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