Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
