I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
