How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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