He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
