In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
that is very illegal...i love you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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