The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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