I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
