do herpes really smell.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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