Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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