did you get engaged???
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
