no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
