there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
