I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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