we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
