i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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