Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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