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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's blow job season.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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