Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize