Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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