I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
