FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
