So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
