she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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