She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
