What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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