She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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