i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
