At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No subtext here. People are naked.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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