we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
