Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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