I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
