I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
