Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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