Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is wine microwaveable?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
