Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
