I want to make a zoo with you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
