She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
