Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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