so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
