We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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