forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
