He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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