susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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