LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
