So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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