I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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