I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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