Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
