Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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