this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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