I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
